The Glorious Unseen - Hear Our Cries Lord

Hear our cries Lord,
Hear our prayers.
Take our burdens,
Calm our fears.

God will you make us
A people that love You.
Please take our offerings
That we set before You.
God hear our prayers
That we're lifting up to You.
God see our tears
That we're struggling to see through.
God, hear our prayers to You.

In our weakness,
You remain.
When we're broken,
You sustain.

God will you make us
A people that love You.
Please take our offerings
That we set before You.
God hear our prayers
That we're lifting up to You.
God see our tears
That we're struggling to see through.

God hear our prayers.
We lift them to You.
God hear our prayers,
Lord make our hearts true.
Will You make our hearts true?

Hear our prayers Lord.

God will you make us
A people that love You.
Please take our offerings
That we set before You.
God hear our prayers
That we're lifting up to You.
God see our tears
That we're struggling to see through.
God hear our prayers
As we lift them to heaven.
We're praying the angels
Receive and embrace them.
The hopes of the empty,
The cries of the broken.
We're reaching our hands out,
Oh Lord will You hold them?

-------------------------

If you have not heard of the Glorious Unseen I strongly encourage you to check them out. I recently bought their album, and not only is it solid music... It's worship. it's powerful. Lyrics that touch the heart. Yes, I love them!

People People People.

Is it weird that I love to people watch?

If it is, call me the King of quirky, and captain crazy... Because I really enjoy watching people on the street, in their cars, and essentially anywhere that people will be. I am not a crazed stalker, I assure you of that, I do not go out of my way to watch individuals, nor do I follow any individuals more than others... So, have no fears, I am anything but a crazy stalker!   

Sometimes I just like to sit (i.e. at a train station) and look at the people that walk by. I’m not sure why I enjoy it, because more often than not, to be completely honest and truthful, it breaks my heart.

This moment I am sitting on seventh floor, a floor where people often come to just “be” to relax, hang out, socialize, and catch up between class periods.  Earlier today I was driving downtown to my classes, and I remember looking around from car to car, looking at the people in their cars, and sometimes I just wonder, why are people the way they are.

I could go into the philosophy argument over the identity of self is, using David Hume’s argument that people find their personal identity in bundles of perceptions and memories. Essentially saying that people are the way they are, their self identity is found in nothing more than a bundle of interconnected perceptions.

I could use Sigmund Freud’s argument that our personality is divided up into many different parts, that we are the way we are because of the unconscious, the ego and the super ego.

Blah, Blah, Blah... I don’t want to talk about school work, I have too much of that as it is, I do not even intend on discussing this topic into great depth. I was sitting and noticing how many different people act and I wanted to blog since it has been well over a month, and so I thought I would write on that.

I think what I really wanted to get at is the very obvious fact that we are all people, people who bleed, burn, break, we all cry, complain, and we all laugh. We are all carbon-based life forms, and we are all connected together, whether we like to admit that or not, it’s true and there is nothing we can do to avoid or change this fact.

I realize I am far from perfect, in fact, many things I will be saying in this little writing I will have contradicted many times in my life, but perhaps that is why I can write on this, because I realize the destruction involved, I get the feelings behind the various facades that are placed by so many people.

Virtually everyone knows the song written by War, entitled “Why Can’t we be friends”  (it just says, Why can’t we be friends, why can’t we be friends, why can’t we be friends... over and over again, catchy little jingle) I think we would all do well to listen to that and realize the deep truth in the song.  

Why can’t we be friends?

We’re not so different, I promise you. I’m not so different from you, no matter who you are, where you’re from, what you have done (hey that’s kind of like a backstreet boys song), I can assure you, with a very reasonable level of certainty that we could be friends. Let us test this out: Do you have parents (yes), what are they like? What’s your favourite kind of food, after all I can guarantee that you at the very least appreciate food. How about hobbies, I know you have hobbies, what do you love to do. What are you passionate about, what are you all about, why? That is a conversation that you can have with any person on this earth, and every single person will have answers to. I realize that their answers may be different, potentially polar-opposites from what you would say, but a conversation will be had, and in conversation you have the opportunity to learn. If the answers are completely different, you can learn about new topics, your eyes can be opened to new perspectives, new ideas, new experiences, and that in and of itself is a truly great and exciting opportunity!  

We all need people in our lives, we all need community, and we all need love. Without love, the fabric of our souls are unfed, they’re deprived of one of the very few things we are designed to need.  

One thing that breaks my heart about the people I see around me is that they’re all crying out for love, but they’re unwilling to receive it, or they are unwilling to meet the one thing that can truly satisfy them.  Many people try to receive love in all the wrong places, trying desperately to gain acceptance and love in sex, drugs, and alcohol. They feel that if they give themselves to another, they will feel needed, they will feel accepted. They think that taking drugs will take their mind away from the pain; it will bring them to happiness. They learn to love the feeling of being drunk, because they can dull the pain away, they can deny how they are truly feeling; they can ignore their body’s cry for love, by overpowering it with alcohol. But this can only take you so far. You cannot ignore your bodies cry forever, eventually, no matter what style of life you live, if there is an absence of true love, you will feel empty and alone.  A feeling that only one God can fill.  

A love that only one God can give. 

- kAt

Roadtrip- Update #5

Here it is, the final recap of the greatest roadtrip I have ever been a member of!

So we went to the Ocean, and it was straight up amazing. Being at the Pacific Ocean was such a God-moment. Standing on the cliffs, overlooking the ocean, seeing the powerful waves crash into the rock wall with the spray reaching heights over 100 feet, hearing the power as the water continually pounded against cliff I stood on, it was truly awe-inspiring.

As I stood on the edge of the cliff overlooking the picturesque scene, I was blown away that the very God who created all of that loves me infinitely more. He created that in one day, ONE DAY! (that in and of itself is insane!) but that it took Him nine months to create me, that is how much more beautiful, unique, and valuable He thinks that I am. Also, that as I stood on the rocks praying, I was talking with the very God that created the ocean in front of me... That blew me away.

After the Ocean we went to Newport (NOT Newport California, as in the home of the O.C, a place in Oregon) This place was a very neat opportunity. We walked along the boardwalk, and looked at the local shops and places. We went down one dock, and right below us there were approximately a dozen Sea Lions. I had no idea Sea Lions were so large, they were probably like five feet wide, and ten feet long, it was bizarre! They also can create the loudest noise, it will blow you away! They have so much power, it is crazy!

We went to place called Mo's for supper. It was such a "cute" little place on the main drag in the town. Apparently they have the best Clam Chowder on the entire coast, and it does not surprise me at all, it was absolutely delicious! Also, our waiter was awesome, he doted on us and was very tolerant of our crazy ways!

After that we all went to another part of the ocean, and tried desperately hard to start a bonfire, but seriously, we failed badly. There was no chance of a fire, the beach was far too wet, we could barely get the paper started! It was a really bad attempt. Karlie got ran over by a wave, and that was very funny. You would think that an individual would be able to tell that the wave was coming in at a fairly high rate of speed, and that individual would be able to make the appropriate adjustments and run away... But she stood there and walked slowly away, and in doing so, was soaked from the knees down. It was quite funny.

While on the beach we also ran into a crazy hoola-hoop lady... She had a $300 dollar light-up hoop. It was nutty! But a lot of fun.

After that we went back to the Boda place, and had a great evening there!

The day at the Ocean was by far my favorite day, it was so breathtaking, and I am now in love with the Ocean. I would love to live closer to the ocean someday, and hopefully someday I will have that opportunity. We'll see where God leads me.

Now it is time for the recap, and to do that I will just write the list of things that we will remember this roadtrip by!

1. Road trip, Woo!
2. Arrested Development
3. Scott's speeding ticket
4. Nothing Better - The Postal Service
5. Don't Stop Believing - Journey
6. Our Song - Taylor Swift
7. The most cramped vehicle ever
8. Over 4, 000 kilometers driving
9. TrailBlazer's Basketball
10. Mount Hood snowboarding
11. Mark + Karlie's lame game!
12. Casey's Leafs sweatpants, and her new sweater!
13. Cloves
14. Karlie getting run over by the wave
15. Our "bonfire" at the Ocean
16. Candy hearts, Cupcakes (aka muffins), Starbucks (Mark+Taylor's pink drinks), Peanuts/Cookies/Donuts, Scott falling on the road to the Lighthouse,
17. Breaking into the Lighthouse, committing the felony! (unfortunately, this also caused me to lose the key)
18. Mark crushin' on Kirsten, Ingrid, and Erin. Also, giggling when we prayed the first night.
19. Scaring people!
20. The Ocean

I can keep going, but that is just a snapshot!

Keep on keepin' on people,

kAt

Roadtrip- Update #4

It's that time again, the late night updates of the roadtrip!

Today we went to Mount Hood to snowboard. It was such a beautiful at day, it was five degrees so the weather was really warm, which sounds awesome, and to a certain degree it was... But the snow was very wet, and very slow, so it was difficult to get any real riding done, because there was no powder, and powder is my passion with snowboarding. So that part was difficult, however a whole lot of fun. We made games out of the conditions, like the snow was so warm we could make amazing snowballs... So we played snowball tag, and that was sweet, I never got caught once, therefore I won. That was nifty, but in all reality the only loser was Scotty, because he was the one who was it last, and the longest. Then for the lunch hour, Mark and I went on a sweet photoshoot! Anything we saw that we believed to be an awesome picture opportunity, we fully grasped! We have dozens of pictures from all over the lodge, with animals, carvings, stairs, walls, it is very funny, those pictures will be on Facebook soon, so look for that!

After that we went to a Basketball game at some "gangsta" school named McKay... We watched a junior varsity game, and it was really good. I am quite confident that the two teams I watched played today, at the junior varsity level, could destroy any senior team in Calgary, it was nuts. Super high caliber of Basketball.

I then came home tonight, and I have not really done too much. I have basically been on the computer and watching television for the night. It has been very nice to relax.

Tomorrow we are going to the Ocean, and I am looking forward to that immensely. It will be a beautiful day, God willing. I hope it is, I would love to be able to spend some quiet time on the cliffs over-looking the most powerful water in the world, admiring the sunset, before having a bonfire on the beach. I think it will be wonderful, and I hope that our plans will be worked out. Hopefully the weather is appropriate, and that it will be as good as we hope it to be.

Today was a short one, not too much happened outside of our snowboarding trip to Mount Hood. I hope that I am not boring you too much with these entries, and if I am... I don't really care I guess, if the truth be told. I don't write these blogs for you, I write them for me, so I can remember where I've been, to see what I have done, and to see what I have felt. And today, was a feel-good day at Mount Hood. Maybe in two years I will look back at what happened today, and I will remember the good times from Mount Hood. So if they bore you, I will never force you to read my writings, although I am thankful you are reading this entry, do not feel obligated to do so!

I love you all friends, even if I don't know you, I am pretty sure if I met you, I would start to love you... Not in a creepy way, but in virtue of you're human, and God created you, therefore, I appreciate you so much, the faults do not matter... That is what I mean, I love and appreciate you as a God-created human. Yeah, that is what I meant.

Peaceout.

kAt

Roadtrip- Update #3

As a forewarning, I will let you know that today's update will be short. Today was a fairly uneventful day, but still, I thoroughly enjoyed it.

The boys in thee room slept in and woke up at 12:35 to be exact, which was so splendid. I ask you, how can the day be poor when you start off by sleeping in so late? I do not know, it was very nice to sleep in though.

After that, Taylor and I quickly showered, (not together, let me make that very clear) and we were off to Woodburn to shop at the awesome outlet stores. On the way there, we thought confidently that we knew the way... Well, when we drove by the Oregon State Penetentiary we realized that we were sadly mistaken, and in actual fact, did not know the way. So we turned around, and somehow managed our way there. I was rather impressed.

So we walked around the malls for quite some time. Taylor lost his mind in excitement when he discovered that everything in the Etnies store was fifty percent off. He had to buy himself a pair of shoes, so he bought these super flashy shoes... Ballin'
I did not like anything enough there, so I couldn't justify myself buying shoes there. I did buy a hoody, I'm not even a huge fan of it, but the deal was so "hawt" that I bought it anyways... Even though I already have more sweaters then like any four people combined... I tell you, me shopping, it's a horrible thing. So I went to Zumiez, and in that store I spent a really long time, trying desperately to find something I like enough to buy, but I couldn't. Zakk, if you're reading this, stop now... I bought him a super sweet sweater, that I would have bought for myself, but, I really don't need sweaters, but I love it... So I bought it for him, and hopefully, someday I'll be fortunate enough to borrow it from him. I bought myself two shirts, but they were just a really good deal, so that's how I justified it... My already astronomical number of t-shirts increased by two today... I don't want to ever count how many I have, I feel guilty.

After that, I looked in every shoe store that was available, but to no avail. There was nothing I even liked border line enough to buy... It is sad really, the one thing I really needed to buy, I couldn't even find. I hate that.

So Taylor and I headed back down South to Salem... And we got lost again. We ended up on some road called Enchanted Way... So I asked Taylor if he'd like to take a ride down the Enchanted Way with his Baby Boy, but he declined, saying no, get me back to Salem. So I turned the pimp mobile, aka my Mom and Dad's minivan around, and we headed back to Salem, following the signs very closely... And we made it home with no problems from there on!

We came back to the Boda place, where we did not do too much for the remainder of the evening. We had supper, and looked at old yearbook pictures of our parents, which was hilarious. Matt (owner of the house we're staying at) went to school with all of our parents (except Scotty's) so in his yearbooks we got to see the pictures of our parents, and what they were like back in the day... I have a striking resemblance to my father, so I am pretty sure I know what I will look like when i'm older, which is weird.

After that we sat in front of the television, made fun of each other, watched tv, sports hilights, you name it, just kind of veged out, it was a good period of relaxation, what this break is for.

We also came to the conclusion that tomorrow we are going to go ride Mount Hood... Which will be awesome, I truly am excited to go riding again. It's been awhile, the last time being over Christmas break, so tomorrow will be awesome.

I guess I just spent my evening on the computer on facebook, msn, and the usual computer activities... All in all, it was a very relaxing evening, which is needed in my life lately... Back home I am always going, so it is very nice to just sit and be.

Anyways, I'm off to the place I love being at this time of night... That being my bed.

Goodnight Friends, and Be Blessed this week.

kAt

Roadtrip- Update #2

Update #2, coming from you live in Salem, Oregon!

Today was a whole lot of fun... We did not do too, too much... But it was certainly a blast.
We woke up at 11:30, after getting 11.5 hours of sleep!
Taylor, Mark, and I are all in the same room... Scotty wanted to sleep downstairs, so the three of us are sharing a room, and having a whole lot of fun. Taylor snored, Mark snored AND talked in his sleep, while I just sleep talked on something about a movie... I'm not entirely sure, all I know is that I slept more last night then I have ever this year, it was quite wonderful.

After that we drove to pick Kara up from work, and we took her out for lunch to the mall. Then we went to a store called Zumiez... Best store ever! Every time I have been in there I have been in there for at least an hour, it's just so amazing. Anyways, I was in there for that long, but I did not even buy anything for myself! Isn't that crazy, me, a shop-a-holic, went without buying a single article of clothing... Applause will be accepted here. I could not justify buying anything for myself unless I loved, loved it... And today, oddly enough, there was nothing. However (Emily if you are reading this... STOP NOW) I did buy my sister an unnamed amount of clothing for her birthday.... And those articles of clothing, they are so awesome! If I was a girl, I'd love them, so I know she will.

After that we came back to the Boda's place, and we just hung out here until it was time for the Portland Trail Blazers game! That was a great ole time. Unfortunately, Portland lost their fifth game in a row, but the game was a whole lot of fun. Casey's friend, Kelsey came, and the seven of us rolled into Portland to watch the game. This was only the second NBA game I've been to, and it was good times. They played Sacramento (I know, two of the worst teams in the NBA playing, but hey, it was still a lot of fun) our tickets were priced awesome! And the environment was incredible to be in.

After that we went for desert/appetizers at a place called Shari's... Taylor, Kelsey and I also had Cloves... Which are really, really good, and super smooth. Then we sat down, talked, had some incredible laughs (compliments of Mar "the King" Ram... aka Mark Ingram" Man, he was on fire tonight, cracking jokes that were straight up hilarious!

After that we came back to the Boda crib, and I have just msn'd and facebooked the entire time, it's been wonderful... Truly, it has.

To recap, I would like to add the funniest lines of the night... All said from the man, Mark Ingram...

"If looks could kill, you'd be seriously maimed"
"Did you see the way I ate that off the floor... It was like, BAM!"
"I said hey, how you doing... I played it cool"

Seriously, I was laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes... You definitely had to be there, and if you know and understand Mark, it makes it that much funnier, he's a gem, and super flippin' funny!

Again, this blog has little substance, I think I am going to avoid those posts over this roadtrip. I am going to try and just keep it simple with updates, and good memories. Perhaps on the way home I will write a deep blog with substance... But now is not the time. So I do not expect too many deep thoughts from me...

Be blessed friends

kAt

Roadtrip- Update #1

So now that I have safely arrived in the beautiful state of Oregon, I think it is time for update number 1... What has gone "down" so far!

4.30am. That is the time I awoke to start our "epic adventure"
I awoke to Mark, Taylor, and Scotty being the biggest goofballs, one of the stooges would yell out "Roadtrip!" and the other two would reply with a hearty "woo!" It was hilarious, I have never seen anyone with so much energy so early in the morning, I was laughing so hard.
But the best part of the moment was the scare I had on Mark. Oh my goodness, it was hilarious. So I was lying in bed much later then anybody else was, and Mark thought he should come check on me, what a nice friend, looking out for me... Well, I decided it would be a great game to try and scare him, so I hid behind my laundry hamper and when he came down, he ever so innocently called out "Kyle, Kyle, it's time to wake up buddy" at which point, I lept at him with all my might, screaming like a banshee... Needless to say, I had a phenomenal scare. He started to slap the doorframe violently, making an unearthly noise... He proceeded to try and run up the stairs but he tripped and fell, and layed there, scared as can be. I was laughing. Laughing with great intensity, so much so, that I fell over. Scott, Taylor, Casey, and Karlie were upstairs laughing too, because they heard him scream from being scared. It was one of my greatest scares ever... Already, the roadtrip was off to an amazing start!

We then left my house, at approximately 5:10 and left for Salem, Oregon.
I was the first driver, and drove to CastleJunction, where Scotty took over. Driving through the mountains while the sun was just starting to rise was a remarkable experience. Scott and I were just talking about how truly huge our God is, and how often our fellow provincial-residents take these majestic mountains for granted.

Scott and I noticed how unbelievable these mountains are. It is truly awe-inspiring. Seeing these just makes one feel so small, so insignificant, but realizing how much more God loves me. He made the mountains in one day, yet he took nine months to creat me- How much more value He places on my life then he does on the mountains. It's humbling really.

We quickly stopped in Cranbrook for a Tim Horton's, our first and last break in Canada.

After that we had to stop at the border, but no problems there, the guy was actually really nice to us... And after we told him we were Bible College Students, he was a snap, he just rolled us on through.

And we went cruising into Oregon. It was a great time. We have cycled through the drivers and had countless amounts of candy/water/laughs. This trip is such a blessing in many ways. Not only am I fortunate enough to leave behind the extra stresses of school, but I am able to hang out with some amazing friends. I am also able to go to an incredibly beautiful state, drive along the ocean. So many incredible things.

I saw Mount St. Helens today, that was crazy... It is not nearly as a big a mountain as I would have guessed, it's almost small, compared to what I am used to seeing. I also saw Mt. Hood, where I will be snowboarding at some point throughout this week. I also saw a truly beautiful sunrise & sunset, the perks of driving for 13.5 hours in one day...

I am so excited for the future events of this week. I am going to an NBA tomorrow night, that will be amazing. I will also be shopping (I know, I like to shop ok, don`t make fun of me) I will also ride at Mt. Hood, which is a very illustrious snowboarding mountain, I am quite excited for that. I will also be going to the Ocean for a day, and I will be fortunate enough also to just spend time with some of my greatest friends.

Already today we have laughed so hard, from scaring Mark this morning, to the awkward moments (most of which Mark is the pivotal character in) Such as supper, when he giggled whien Kristen tried to hold his hand during prayer, it was hilarious.

I also learned how to Longboard today, so much fun! I am determined to get pro by the end of the week, and a longboard will definitely be my next substantial purchase.

I`m sorry for the poor caliber of writing that this entry has been, but I have had a dreadfully long day, having only 4 hours of sleep in the last 48 hours... But I had a desire to write about what little experiences we`ve had so far, in order that I do not lose them. So yes, that is my update. More to come!

kAt

Unfinished thoughts.

Life is kickin' sweet. I could just leave it at that really, it sums everything up.

Honestly, living life every day is turning into such a pleasure. I know that this is a rare thing, and I really need to work on my taking that for granted, which has been the reality for essentially all of my life. I have been so blessed in almost every area of my life. Seriously, everything that I have taken part of, everything I have done, I have been blessed in.

Yet, I still have the ignorance, the naivety to live life without a sense of joy? That's crazy. I'm crazy. Crazy unmotivated. Like I said, life is a joy to live, and sometimes I get caught up in the fun that I forget the things that should be top priority. But hey, life is a journey, and one must learn different things at different stages in the journey... I think this year has been a lot about truly learning who I am, and what my purpose is, and what it means to follow God and trust Him with everything.

kAt

My Accident...

I know I have published this on all forms of my social network, facebook and nexopia... However, this is single-handedly the most influential moment in my walk with God. Therefore, I believe it is worthy, even more than worthy, to be published on my early beginnings of a blog. Therefore, here it is... An exact copy of what I wrote that summer evening of June 21, 2007. I could go through and fix all the typos, fix the poor writing, but i wrote this like 7 hours after my accident, I was still in shock at the time of this writing, so for me personally... I find these errors to be an addition to the authenticity of this writing. Praise be to God that I am even alive, and able to write this blog now.
------------------------------------------------------------------
I am not going to write this to be dramatic, but i'm going to write it to tell about how truly lucky i am to be alive. I should be dead right now, or at least seriously injured and not be able to move, i should be lieing in a hospital bed for weeks... THis is what i heard from numerous medical professionals today.

I was in an accident today... and it was far from a good, healthy experience. I was driving to Olds to meet my friend whom i haven't seen for many years, and i guess that the heat and everything kind of got to me, and i lost control of the van... I wandered off the side of the road. You know how bridges sometimes have the cement ramps underneath them (this is the spot you often see homeless people sleeping in and stuff,) well that ramp acted as a jump for me, and i was told that i flew something like 20 feet in the air... i don't remember, this is what a guy, i really believe to be a guardian angel (as corny and fruity as that sounds) named Lauren told me.

See he was driving south to Calgary, as i said, i was driving north to Olds... And he said he looked over to the left and he saw a blue dodge caravan upsie down in the air... (Which was me)
He then said that i flipped and rolled , and all that fun stuff that nobody should ever see except for in the movies, and then came to a stop... Van smoking, complete wreck. The police report said that i actually was cartwheeling (rolling verticle...not the horizontal side over side but the windshied over the back of the van, and that i did that four times)
I was also told by the guys cleaning the scene up that the accident scene is almost 900 feet from where i first went into the ditch. I wasn't in my t-shirt, it was on the seat beside be, but when i looked, my shirt was 150 yards away from the van...
And then he saw me crawl out, and up the embankment towards the main road.

Lauren told me to just sit down, and not do anything. And i thought i was fine, i'm like just let me go get my phone.. he was like no way, you can use mine, i need you to lay dow and rest, so i did. Then a tow truck guy called 911 and i had the whole shabang of ems show up... firetrucks, ambulance(s), police cars... everyone, all for me... it was bizarre, it's all movie like.

Anyways, this Lauren guy is something like the Head of Medicinal Studies at the UoC, it's incredible, that one of the only witnesses was a man brilliant in medicine, he knew what to do until EMS got there, and it was definitely God-given gift... because he was an angel of sorts, as lame as that sounds, it's true.

So the EMS guys pulled up, and put me on the stretcher, the C-Spine (neck brace), IV, blood pressure, straps, you know, all that stuff you see on ER. And then the guy, named Mike, just went on for the entire 35 minute drive home went on to talk about how incredible it is i am alive.

He said that he has never, ever, seen anyone get out of a vehicle that is in that kind of shape... He also said where i crashed is the most deadly spot on the #2 highway. His exact words were
"dude, someone is watching over you. I'm not sure who and i'm not sure why, but somebody wants you alive, and for the crash you were in, he would've had to literally have a bubble of protection on you"

That blew my mind, because the only thing i remember is looking up through the sun-roof and seeing grass approaching, while everything is else is completely silet. I'm not sure if you've ever felt that experience, but i can honestly say that i won't forget it soon, it was terrifying. I then remember rolling, over and over again, and just crying out "God protect me, God protect Me, God protect Me" ... And i walked out of that car, walked up the embankment, and 7 hours later walked out of the hospital to go home, with a headache, two HUGE bandaids, and a couple of 'abbrasions'... i should be dead, but i walk out with that...

Which is why i believe with all of my little 17 yr old heart that God had his hand of protection over me. Now i realize just how hokey-pokey Sunday SChool crappy that sounds, and coming from me may not mean a whole lot, because i haven't had the best of years, but guys, this changed me. I realize now that God could take my life away, and that he saved me. Mike said that someone saved me for something important, and i don't know what that is, i don't have a clue, but i do realize that God saved my life today. And i intend to live my life for him. This year i definitely did'nt do that, i struggled this year, gave in to the party scene a little bit, but that's not really who i am. I am a guy that has been bought for a price, and i am not intending to live for God, it's the least i can do after he literally saved my life.

To be honest, this doesn't even come close to explaining what i went through, it's a horrible, horrible memory, one that i will not be able to forget. Anytime i close my eyes i just remember flipping and rolling in that ditch... but you know what, it's all good. I am fine with that, because it does remind me of the power that the one who created me has...

Sorry if that's lame, but it's the truth.
there's not denying that

God Saved My Life today.

06/22/07

The One Thing I want.

Right now, if there was one thing I seek or desire, is clear thoughts, a sense of guiding, and vision for certain events that will be taking place in the near future.

I need guidance and vision for the worship that will be taking place this upcoming weekend. I so want this weekend to be a powerful weekend of worship, something that will be truly incredible, and straight from God... I honestly want nothing out of it. I pray that God will strip all the human attributes from me for this night, and that I will do nothing but sing my heart out, purely to glorify God, and to build up His kingdom, not mine. I don't care about my Kingdom, not even a little bit.

To be honest, right now I am almost frustrated with the worship weekend, and the way it has been progressing. I have been trying desperately to discover a set list, an order of songs, and the proper songs according to the message, yet whenever I sit down to try to formulate a list of songs... I blank out, I cannot do it. It's frustrating.

But then it dawned on me... Perhaps I am trying to hard to figure it out on my own, trying to find song that I like, that I want to play to make me look good. I think that I need to just leave it up to God, because realistically, He is the only one capable of helping me.
I have to learn to rely on Him, and now this isn't just music, this is about my life... In every way I have got to learn to rely on Him, and draw my strength from Him. I have to learn to trust Him, and follow him with a completely devout, surrendured heart. Without that, I am just living a life of mediocrity, which is something I hate.

I do not want a mediocre life. Therefore, Lord God, I pray that you will send me vision, passion, and guidance.

Facedown Worship. Something to be desired.

Welcomed in to the courts of the King
I've been ushered in to Your presence
Lord, I stand on Your merciful ground
Yet with every step tread with reverence

And I'll fall facedown
As Your glory shines around
Yes, I'll fall facedown
As Your glory shines around

Who is there in the heavens like You?
And upon the earth, who's Your equal?
You are far above, You're the highest of heights
We are bowing down to exalt You

So let Your glory shine around
Let Your glory shine around
King of glory, here be found
King of glory
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

First off, for the sake of clarification, in this blog when I refer to worship I mean purely on the music side of things. I honestly believe that worship is a lifestyle. That it is so much more than just music. It's how we live our lives, how we as his physical representatives in today's world live, and just how it is that we "be" BUT I really could, and guarantee that I will, at some point write a blog on worship... It's a topic that is near and dear to my heart, something I am passionate about, something that I have done much reading on, and I will definitely write on that at a later, unknown date...

But for this now, here's some things that the song Facedown by Matt Redman have made me think about.

This song is so powerful, so emotional, it really is quite remarkable.I remember the first time I played this song in Chapel, it was something remarkable. I remember seeing people on their hand`s and knee`s just worshipping God with all that they were, and I thought to myself, this is what worship should be like, complete surrender to Christ.

We are worshipping the Almighty God, the man who created the heavens and the earth. He is the one who holds the world in his hand, and we are trying to glorify his name, bringing him worth through our music or voices. I believe it is entirely possible and realistic that we should be brought to a state of facedown worship, God is so great, so vast, when we try to worship him, and we enter into his presence, it should consume who we are to the core of our being.

When we truly enter into the King's courts, nothing we have can come close to being worthy of God. We feel so small, so useless, so finite in his infinite love, that nothing we do feels appropriate or even close to being proper to give to God as an offering... Therefore, we offer the only thing we can do, we fall down, and just lay down at Yahweh`s feet crying out to God.

I think the term "facedown" is significant because it's the complete sign of surrender. What can represent surrender more accurately then laying down, heads down and our body's bowed before God? I fail to think of anything.

Worshipping God in this way, is incredibly poweful.

When we are brought to our knees in God's presence, that is something truly special.

kAt

I'm So Blessed.

Community and fellowship are interesting things.
I've been reading a lot about them in Dietrich Bonhoeffer's book "Life Together" and I really do believe in the importance of these in the Christian journey. That is why I believe I am so blessed, God has granted me with an amazing network of friends, and placed me in an incredible community of people.

In my life, I have been incredibly blessed by having truly amazing friends. Everywhere I have been, I have been able to connect with solid Christian people, and this is one thing that I really believe has influenced who I have become. Having these Christians friends has helped me in so many ways. They have helped keep me accountable, they have helped encourage me when I need encouragement, help lift me up when I need it, and called me on things I needed to be called on.

Tonight's life group is the single-handed motivation of this blog. I am honestly so blessed by these guys. I`ll be honest, at the beginning of the year, I didn`t really know what I was getting myself into, I was not mature enough to realize the opportunity I had to hang out with some straight-up incredible guys.

But now, it is honestly the highlight of my weekend. I so look forward to hanging out with my boys- they truly are a blessing. I can honestly say with everything I am, that these guys have had a huge influence on me, and I`m starting to love them, as brothers... Strictly platonic of course.

I know I am nothing special, I`m just some normal guy, who has been given the amazing chance and privilege of hanging out with these guys. I never realized that until after Christmas though, and I felt horrible because I felt as if I had ruined the first half of the year. But now, I really believe that we`re growing together and starting to truly learn about each other and God, while truly connecting, and it`s an incredibly thing, to live life together, to grow and deal with the things that life throws our way. I love these boys, they've been a large blessing in my life. I can't wait to continue our relationship as a small group, we're going to be lethal! Just wait Foothills Alliance and Calgary and then abroad... Us Vegas Boys are coming, on fire for Christ!

kAt

I wouldn't change a thing.

Here I am, sitting on the couch, with my laptop on it's usual location, my lap. Staying up way past the time I should retire for sleep, but for some reason, I cannot sleep.

Tonight has been a flurry of emotions. My range of emotions have varied from holding my dearest belongings and just wanting to throw them against the wall, which I nearly did, and is how I currently feel. Yet not even two hours ago while playing my guitar I had an incredible moment with God, almost to the point of facedown worship.

I do not even know what the cause for these fluctuations in my mood is for. I just realize that at the moment, I am very frustrated, very aggravated and mad, and I do not even know at what. Which is frustrating in and of itself. If I knew what I could work on, I could help myself out.
I realized today that there are very few people who know the real me. Very few people that see me for who I truly am. I have become far too talented at hiding my real feelings, my real desires and what I really am like, almost as if I am constantly hiding behind this ridiculous facade of some teenage boy who has it all together.

I hide the real me far too often, there is only a handful of people who have seen the real me and, and that is terrifying. Not because I am scared that people will know me for who I am. It terrifies me because I believe we should be entirely real with everyone we meet, and I rarely do that myself, and that scares me because how many of my friends are hiding too? How many people are struggling just as I am, yet have nobody to talk to?

For me personally, I think it is heart-wrenching that I have lived my life for 18 years, constantly battling with showing who I truly am, and struggling with the idea of living true to that person. According to Psychologists, this is normal, from the teenage years to early twenties, us “young adults” are supposed to feel an identity crisis. But I do not have a crisis, I have a border line pandemic, because I have had so many identities over the year, and none of them last. The only one that lasts is the one I am trying to show more often, and that is the real Kyle.

Over the years, I have tried to find my identity in almost anything that a person can be found in, hoping to find something that was real. How narrow minded and naive I was, how could I possibly find who I am, if I’m looking in all the wrong places of this world. I tried the whole party scene briefly, and I stress briefly for that is a terribly sad environment, I could write an entire entry on the futility of that world. I tried the athletics. I even got nominated for Athlete of the Year, I was offered scholarships, I was given All-Star status, yet I still felt just as empty afterwards as I did before. I tried school, I excelled and had a 94 average, yet still I was unsatisfied. I tried music, which turned into worship, and I fell in love with it, which was very dangerous because I fell in love not with the worship, but with the music. I fell in love with musical side of thigns, not the great divine creator of the Earth I was worshipping. I cannot think of too many more things that can be as dangerous to a congregation as the people falling in love with the music, not the message the music brings forth. Ask Matt Redman. That is why he wrote the song "Heart of Worship"

All I know is that through everything, there is one constant. And that is my God, the Big-Guns upstairs... I know that throught it all, I fall back on Him. I also know that He is in control. I know that everything I have gone through, and everything I have done, that has happened and taken place for a very distinct reason. I may have regrets and things I wish I had not done, but I would not undo anything that has happened, because those are the things that have brought me to who I am today.

And I do love who I am. I truly thing I am blessed in this. I know that not many people feel that way, yet when I look in the mirror, I truly do love what I see. Of course I see blemishes and areas that I need significant help on, but I know that God will help me through and make me better through it. I realize I am a constant work in process, and for that I am thankful.

I am excited to live this journey of life.
And I think that is special and rare... and for that, I am thankful.

kAt

Initial Blog, Initial Feelings

I have not reached a conclusion as to whether or not I will make this public.

I am debating keeping it private, leave it just for my sake, to see where I have been, what God has helped me through, what trials and tribulations I have faced in the past...

Or I may make it public, and let everyone see my thoughts, which is kind of a weird feeling, letting everyone know what is on my mind.

Right now, I do not know, which means it will stay private, someday it may become public, who knows.

kAt

________________________________________________________

I've decided I'm going to make this public... What is more important then being honest and open with each other?
Therefore, here is me and my honest, open thoughts.

Enjoy!